I’m back! I got knocked on my butt with a pretty bad cold last week, so I apologize for my lack of posts. I have to say, being pregnant and ill is a bad combo, fortunately I’ve only had it happen twice during my entire pregnancy, but it was a very glaring reminder of how effective some of our basic over the counter cold/flu medications really are. I tried nearly every natural way treatment I could find online, but I’ve never wanted to take a decongestant so badly!
This was also because I had bought surprise tickets to the Red Hot Chilli Peppers concert for my husband and I (his favourite band) and the concert night was right smack in the peak of my cold. I managed to tough it out, and even with the cold the concert was still great!
I had managed to buy the tickets after market at the beginning of the month. It was part of my plan to take advantage of some of the quiet time we have right now, and really focus on making my husband feel special and loved before baby arrives.
I did my due diligence in buying the tickets, but there was still a moment of internal relief when we walked up to the gate and they worked! Phew.
I spent the first few weeks of the month really trying to figure out what my husband’s love language was. I’ll admit it, after three weeks of trying to identify it, I was stumped. But I figured the concert tickets would hit on both the very remote possibility that his love language was gifts (although if it was, I was in big trouble, because I am not a big gift giver nor do I get much from receiving gifts), but it also hit on the love language of quality time, which I had pegged as a possible front-runner for my husband.
But really, the only love language I felt I could confidently eliminate was gifts. I really didn’t see my hubby as someone who got a lot out of gifts, but that still left me with the remaining four: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, and Acts of Service.
One of the tips in the book, The 5 Love Languages, suggested that people are often most proficient at speaking their own primary love language. So if you are someone who’s primary language is Words of Affirmation, it is very likely that you are proficient at giving Word’s of Affirmation to your spouse/partner.
When I applied that concept it didn’t really help me. My husband was really good at all of the other four love languages. The only thing that really stuck out to me is that my husband really hates it when I text on the phone if he is speaking to me. It drives him crazy. Don’t get me wrong, it drive’s me crazy if you are mid conversation with someone and they interrupt the conversation to check their phone or text. Not cool. But for my husband, this annoyance extends to when I am in the middle of e-mailing or texting (usually for work) and he comes up and starts a conversation with me. If I ask to finish my e-mail/text before engaging in the conversation, he usually reminds me that the person in the room should take priority over the device.
I have my own views on that perspective, but I get what he’s saying, and since it bugs him so much I really try to make sure I respect his request. That one little pet peeve was mentioned in the book, as a possible indicator of someone who’s primary love language is Quality Time. So I kept reverting back to that language as a strong possibility, but I was far from confident.
This week I gave up on trying to figure it out on my own, and I asked him to take the 5 Love Languages quiz. Luckily for me, my husband is pretty open to my random requests, and he willingly took the quiz. Turns out my struggle to identify his love language was for good reason, he scored within one point of each other for THREE of the love languages:
- Quality Time;
- Acts of Service; and
- Physical Touch.
Words of Affirmation scored a handful of points on the low-end of the scale, and (phew I wasn’t totally off on this one!) Gifts scored a big fat ZERO.
When I looked at the results it all made sense. First of all, because both of us scored zero’s in the language of gifts, all those points went directly to the other four love languages. Although we were ordered slightly differently, our scoring was very similar. I had a tight cluster of scores distributed between Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, and Acts of Service.
Based on everything in the book, this was a good recipe for being able to meet each other’s love languages, because we shared similar needs, and similar abilities to express each others love languages.
When I told my husband about the scoring and what it meant, it led us on a wonderfully fun conversation about where we thought our couple friends landed on the spectrum, where my step-son landed, and then off on quite the in-depth conversation about love, happiness, and one of my husband’s favorite topics, the trajectory of human evolution. (Quality time much?? He loves those sci-fi in-depth conversations, I suppose that should have been a clue!)
I’m thrilled that he was willing to take the quiz though. Seeing his results gave me some added clarity on the area’s I can focus on to make sure he is feeling loved and cared for.
For the small steps, taking the time to put aside what I’m doing and talk to him when he comes home, giving him some undivided attention each day, and making sure we are getting some time each week to engage in an activity or two together that we really enjoy will be huge. I am thankful I have this insight before baby arrives.
It also gave me the added reassurance that for his upcoming birthday I made the right selection of a gift centred completely around quality time! His birthday falls a few weeks after the baby is born, so I think it will be the perfect time to take a little break just for the two of us.
If you are curious about your own love language, or that of your spouse/partner, check out the 5 Languages website and take their quiz. It only takes a few minutes, and can give you some great insight into your own wants/needs and that of your partners.
Next Week: Mindfulness & Meditation